Actually, while i'm sitting down here in front of my computer starting this new blog, everything seems so surreal. and after that string of events today, i still can't believe that i had actually plugged up the guts to do such an irrational thing. so damn irrational. but i guess its one of those things that i have to do before i decide to go. i mean bottled and plugged for so long, everything just pop like it did.
Really, life does seem a tad bit messy. I rushed back from Melbourne on the red eye flight and i kept tossing and turning in the uncomfortable aeroplane bed. I was so frisky i guess, not knowing what to do and what to expect and i guess these things happen when i cannot prepare for the event. I hate to go into something unprepared and unrehearsed. I know i can handle situations that get out of hand. but with her.. its just different? i think you know that kind of feeling.
I sent out my letter of application before rushing out to get the flowers. and ACY was explaining what was the difference between giving 3 roses, 6 roses, 7 roses, 24 roses and 365 roses. You should go and find out what that means. :) i bought 3 btw. and the lady at the counter asked me who the flowers were for and offered teddies. flowers don't last but teddies do right. And so i plucked up the guts to choose a ... teddy. and ACY and I cabbed back to RGS.
Everything was fine i guess.. until Heidi, dear heidi almost came late. Well not late. just 15 minutes earlier than the concert. And there i was so anxious that i might not even be able to get the tickets. I met Aiwei there, who didn't bring her phone and was frantically trying to get her bearing. And she kept probing as to who that bouquet of flowers were for. I kept my mouth shut.
Lost. Lost in the music or rather lost in her. while she kept ringing her bells, i coundn't really hear the music but i was lost in her. In her beauty and in her confidence as she continued to dazzle me. and i guess i started to dread the moment when the concert would end? when i would have to confront my feelings and that bunch of flowers would change to a hopefully willing hand.
Lest i run away, ACY and Heidi pulled me to go and find her. I froze many times. I was afraid. When i finally found her, she was hugging her friend and she smiled and waved to me when she swa me. My heart warmed and my stomach was doing somersaults. outside my body. I gave her the flowers and then at that point of time everything seemed perfect, until my brain was whitewashed as to what i wanted to say to her. And to think i was rehearsing the stupid small talk in the toilet. I mumbled something like ... i liked your performance really well and then i bolted out of the auditorium. i didn't want to wait for her reaction.
And when i came back, after Heidi and ACY pulled me back, i helped heidi friends take a group photo and borrowed natalie's camera to take a picture with her. I totally have to idea where that sudden rush of courage came from but i knew i just had to do it, or i regretted it. Well i did to a certain extent, cos i found her sitting on the floor in the changing room in daze. she noticed the bear.
YES THE BEAR
Everything froze -_- " yes again. I thought i had did something wrong and i went over to ask if hse was alright. well she seemed ok... just a bit off her usual composed self. I was a bit shocked i guess, considering i've never seen her in such a distraught state. I asked if I could take a photo with her and she agreed, still in a daze i guess. I only realised later when ACY told me that i had acutally put my hand on her shoulder. Rather i was the one in the daze. and i took off with ACY after that. I didn't want to know what happened next.
Over. It was over. my 3-week planned erm ... flower-giving and 'confession' session was over. I was milling over it at delifrance at j8 thinking about it when Heidi called and told me what happened. And, the usual anxious me cabbed back all the way to RGS, not before letting a lady with a young boy and an old man take the previous cabs that i flagged. So nice right.
Y did it ever have to be her? i guess you can never stop these emotional outbursts. Its out of your control isn't it. I thought of walking or briging her home. at least that was what i hoped i could do and try to talk to her. but SADLY, her father and brother decided to come and pick her up. It was awkward when i gave her that pink baloon and told her that she looked beautiful tonight, and i wasn't lying.
Unbelievably, she came over and thanked me for the things, after much convincing from different parties. my heart warmed to that. I could hav her thanking me like that everyday and i would love every single second of it. it was funny when everyone was asking me to everything, but i just couldn't think. now i realise what an idiot i've been.
No. I had to do it. i just had to. 3 years of waiting. I guess if i didn't i'd regret it sooner or later. You can never explain what that feeling of want is. that lovely feeling in your chest when you think about that certain someone-- her :)
Just
In
A blink of an eye.
Really, life does seem a tad bit messy. I rushed back from Melbourne on the red eye flight and i kept tossing and turning in the uncomfortable aeroplane bed. I was so frisky i guess, not knowing what to do and what to expect and i guess these things happen when i cannot prepare for the event. I hate to go into something unprepared and unrehearsed. I know i can handle situations that get out of hand. but with her.. its just different? i think you know that kind of feeling.
I sent out my letter of application before rushing out to get the flowers. and ACY was explaining what was the difference between giving 3 roses, 6 roses, 7 roses, 24 roses and 365 roses. You should go and find out what that means. :) i bought 3 btw. and the lady at the counter asked me who the flowers were for and offered teddies. flowers don't last but teddies do right. And so i plucked up the guts to choose a ... teddy. and ACY and I cabbed back to RGS.
Everything was fine i guess.. until Heidi, dear heidi almost came late. Well not late. just 15 minutes earlier than the concert. And there i was so anxious that i might not even be able to get the tickets. I met Aiwei there, who didn't bring her phone and was frantically trying to get her bearing. And she kept probing as to who that bouquet of flowers were for. I kept my mouth shut.
Lost. Lost in the music or rather lost in her. while she kept ringing her bells, i coundn't really hear the music but i was lost in her. In her beauty and in her confidence as she continued to dazzle me. and i guess i started to dread the moment when the concert would end? when i would have to confront my feelings and that bunch of flowers would change to a hopefully willing hand.
Lest i run away, ACY and Heidi pulled me to go and find her. I froze many times. I was afraid. When i finally found her, she was hugging her friend and she smiled and waved to me when she swa me. My heart warmed and my stomach was doing somersaults. outside my body. I gave her the flowers and then at that point of time everything seemed perfect, until my brain was whitewashed as to what i wanted to say to her. And to think i was rehearsing the stupid small talk in the toilet. I mumbled something like ... i liked your performance really well and then i bolted out of the auditorium. i didn't want to wait for her reaction.
And when i came back, after Heidi and ACY pulled me back, i helped heidi friends take a group photo and borrowed natalie's camera to take a picture with her. I totally have to idea where that sudden rush of courage came from but i knew i just had to do it, or i regretted it. Well i did to a certain extent, cos i found her sitting on the floor in the changing room in daze. she noticed the bear.
YES THE BEAR
Everything froze -_- " yes again. I thought i had did something wrong and i went over to ask if hse was alright. well she seemed ok... just a bit off her usual composed self. I was a bit shocked i guess, considering i've never seen her in such a distraught state. I asked if I could take a photo with her and she agreed, still in a daze i guess. I only realised later when ACY told me that i had acutally put my hand on her shoulder. Rather i was the one in the daze. and i took off with ACY after that. I didn't want to know what happened next.
Over. It was over. my 3-week planned erm ... flower-giving and 'confession' session was over. I was milling over it at delifrance at j8 thinking about it when Heidi called and told me what happened. And, the usual anxious me cabbed back all the way to RGS, not before letting a lady with a young boy and an old man take the previous cabs that i flagged. So nice right.
Y did it ever have to be her? i guess you can never stop these emotional outbursts. Its out of your control isn't it. I thought of walking or briging her home. at least that was what i hoped i could do and try to talk to her. but SADLY, her father and brother decided to come and pick her up. It was awkward when i gave her that pink baloon and told her that she looked beautiful tonight, and i wasn't lying.
Unbelievably, she came over and thanked me for the things, after much convincing from different parties. my heart warmed to that. I could hav her thanking me like that everyday and i would love every single second of it. it was funny when everyone was asking me to everything, but i just couldn't think. now i realise what an idiot i've been.
No. I had to do it. i just had to. 3 years of waiting. I guess if i didn't i'd regret it sooner or later. You can never explain what that feeling of want is. that lovely feeling in your chest when you think about that certain someone-- her :)
Just
In
A blink of an eye.
posted by bingxi) at 12:11 PM
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